Living wanted lies
by tatooinedesert
Summary: Ahsoka is around 18 and Anakin around 24. He's still her master and after something terrible happened to Ahsoka's family they come actually pretty close. Anakin knows exactly how Ahsoka feels at the moment, but will he be able to help her? And will she let him help her? What will happen to their friendship? Will it break or will it bring them closer together?
1. Living wanted lies: part1

**Anakin's pov:**

I came back to coruscant after a mission. My padawan had stayed in the temple this time, because she had gotten injured on our last mission and hadn't been fit enough to go with me. I hoped she was better by now, but it didn't seem like that. I could sense her. She wasn't fit and she hadn't slept last night. With a ship I flew to the temple from the landing stage we have landed with the cruisers. In the temple I headed directly to Ahsoka. I opened the door to our room and saw her sitting on the couch. Her legs up to her body, her arms wrapped around them and her head put between her knees. I came to her and noticed some tears in her eyes. She had cried. And that's the time I knew I should worry about her. I've never seen her crying before. My strong padawan didn't cry. I sat down next to her and didn't say something for the next minutes. I knew she did notice me, but she didn't care about me right now. "Ahsoka", I tried to get her attention, but she ignored it. "Ahsoka, hey, what's going on?", I asked her. She started sobbing and I wrapped my arms around her. "Ahsoka, I just want to help you, but you have to tell me what's making you so upset.", I told her again. She tried to speak a few times, but she couldn't because of her crying. "Okay, calm down first, and then try it again.", I tried to calm her down. "My, my mo...mother and my fa...father had died.", she finally said.

I was shocked and didn't know what to say, so I just held her in my arms and let her cry. "I'm so sorry, Snips. I really am. Tell me if I can help you somehow." "Just hold me.", she cried and I held her like she wanted it. "How do you know?", I asked her after a while. "I've felt it.", she answered quietly. "Is this why you couldn't sleep?" "Yeah. I've had this vision and woke up...", she started to explain, but I stopped her. I knew how painful this was for her and i didn't want her to go through it again. "It's okay, Snips, I know this feeling you have right now." "Really?", she asked me then. "Yes, really. As I was around your age my mother died and I came too late to safe her.", I told her even though it was hard. "Does the feeling go away?", she asked hopefully. "The feeling of being helpless will go away in time, Ahsoka, but you will always ask yourself what could you have done better to safe them.", I explained not wanting to lie at her. While listening to me she stopped crying and we sat there in silence after I had finished speaking. A few minutes later she yawned and I picked her up and carried her to my bed bridal style. She looked at me in confusion as I laid her down on my bed.

I laid down next to her and covered her up. "You will sleep in my arms if you want.", I said to her simply and she nodded. Smiling I wrapped one if my arm around her and she grabbed my had. "Just concentrate on your sleep and the nightmares will stay away.", I told her before she drifted into a peaceful sleep. I stayed awake not wanting Ahsoka to have another nightmare and while I hadn't anything else to do, I thought about my mother again. I was as helpless as Ahsoka is now and I will do everything to make her feel better, because I knew what she's going through now and nobody was there to help me. She shouldn't suffer as much as I did. In time I fell asleep as well and I dreamed of Ahsoka, a happy Ahsoka.

The next morning I woke up and as I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was Ahsoka. She laid still in my arm exactly the way she did before I closed my eyes last night. "Are you awake?", I asked her quietly and she answered with a simple "Yes." "Did you have another nightmare? ", I wanted to know. "No, I didn't.", she answered quickly. I sat up and told her I will make breakfast for her and so I left into the kitchen.


	2. Living wanted lies: part2

Anakin's pov:

I came back minutes later with a plate full of bacon and scrambled eggs. She sat up and took it thankfully. She ate a bit from it, but I knew she wasn't hungry. As she just starred at the plate I took it away from her. "It's okay.", I told her and she looked in my eyes. Her normally beautiful deep blue eyes were swollen red from crying and she looked hurt. I sighed and put my hand on her arm. She looked down at it, but didn't move. "Do you feel any better?", I asked her. "Yea, I do.", she answered way too fast and I knew it was a complete lie. "I'm sorry for your lost, Ahsoka.", I told her and she nodded. We sat there in silence and after a while she asked me "May I get some time for myself?" "Of course.", I answered and left the room. I had to head to a meeting anyway. Obi-Wan, my old master, was already in the commando central and as he saw me he looked at me questioning. He wanted to know where Ahsoka was, but I wasn't in the mood for explaining, so I just throw a don't-ask-look at him and he kept quiet. Soon after me a few other Jedi came in too. We started the meeting, but my thoughts were by Ahsoka the whole time. After one and a half hour this stupid meeting finally ended and I could go back to Ahsoka.

In our room I stood in the door to my bedroom where Ahsoka sat still on my bed. Her back turned to me she had her eyes closed. I stood there for a bit and just watched her. After a few minutes I decided to let her alone. I was about to go away and had already turned around as she spoke. "I try to forget them, you know? I mean, I haven't seen them the last fifteen years, I haven't even thought of them, but yesterday night it hid me like you're thrown in front of a ship. Shouldn't it be easier? Why do I feel this now? I've lived here the past fifteen years, they should be strangers by now." I sighed, walked to her and sit down next to her. "It isn't that easy, Ahsoka." "I've noticed that by now. Thanks for your help.", she replied sarcastically. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. She looked at me and this time it was me who starred at the wall while speaking. "You can't forget them easily. Even though you haven't seen them the last fifteen years they are still your family. They love you and you love them. Before you came into the temple you were really close to them and this bound doesn't break easily. It still exist after all this years.", I explained her and she looked down to the ground. She let the words, I just said, sink in. "I just want it to end.", she said after some moments. "I know.", was all I answered her. It was all I could answer her. "What should I do now?", she asked helpless. "I don't know, Ahsoka. Only you can know what you will do now. Do you want to go to their funeral?", I asked her and she thought about it for a moment. "No", she then answered "No, I don't need to go to their funeral. I don't know them anymore. People change. They changed. It will be okay. I will be okay.", she said more talking to herself than to me. I just nodded not wanting to say anything.


	3. Living wanted lies: part3

Anakin's pov:

We sat next to each other in silence. I just watched her. She had grown so much actually. It was great holding her in my arms last night and I'v realized something. I noticed how beautiful she was and that I had feelings for her. I loved her and I knew I shouldn't, but I loved her so damn much it hurt not having her near me. I just hoped she felt the same for me. She noticed my starring at her. "What?", she asked me, but I couldn't answer her, so I just starred at the ground. "You're beautiful.", I told her and she looked at me amazed and confused. Our eyes met while looking at each other and I could look into her bright blue shining eyes. It was the moment I noticed she has also felt something last night. She sighed and looked back down on the ground. I starred at her for some more moments until my hand moved up to her neck. I couldn't do something I just had to touch her. My fingers ran over the naked skin on her neck and she let me continue. Just after a moment she pushed my hand away, stood up and yelled a "No" at me. "No, stop! You ca-, we just can't.", she said after she got her normal voice back. "Ahsoka" I got up and wanted to take her hands, but she didn't let me. "I am sorry. I just couln't help myself." I always knew she had a better control over herself than I had over myself. "I should go.", she said a bit confused and I guess she just wanted to go away from me.

But as she was about to go I stood in her way not wanting her to leave. "Ahsoka, I know you feel something.", I tried to convince her to stay. She kept looking on the ground. I lifted her skin with my right hand and she looked into my eyes. "I know you feel something, why can't you just admit it?", I asked her and she sighed. "Of course I feel something, but this thing between us cannot happen. You're a Jedi and I am about to become one. It just doesn't work.", she said furiously, but continued with a bit more quiet voice "You see me everyday, could you behave normally in my presence? And on the battlefield? Could you concentrate on the mission instead on me? Could you concentrate on the people we have to save instead on my safety?", she threw the questions against my head. I sat down on the bed knowing she was right. She always was. Sometimes I really wished this stupid rules wouldn't exist. Ahsoka sat down next to me with a bit space between us. "It just wouldn't work.", she said dashed. "Nobody has to know about it.", I told her, but she responded with a really good point "They know everything!" We sat there in silence trying to find a way.

"Everything?", I asked hopefully after a few moments and she looked up at me. "I actually know we wouldn't be the first Jedi who would do this." She looked at me confused. "I'm not going to tell you who, but isn't it true, just because we aren't allowed to love we don't have feelings. And some of us ignore the rules. It wouldn't be the first time we do something without the council liking it.", I said and knew she knew exactly what I meant. "Ahsoka, nobody has to know about it. We could keep it a secret and I will behave normally in your presence, they wouldn't find out." It seemed like she thought about what I just said and I added "It might be a mistake, but it would be worth it." She looked into my eyes and I in hers again, her beautiful eyes which were full of hope now. We came closer to each other and our lips finally met. Her lips tasted heavenly. My tongue asked for entrance and she let me in. First our tongues were fighting for dominance, but she let me win. We closed our eyes and enjoyed the kiss. I put my hands on her cheeks and she wrapped her arms around my neck. We pulled apart needing air and as we were trying to get our breath back we laid down on the bed next to each other. "Something that feels so good can't be wrong.", I said and she nodded agreeing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Anakins's pov:**

As we laid next to each other I undressed my shoes. She moved into my arms and I held her there. We starred into each others eyes enjoying the togetherness. Her hand played with my hair and she smiled at me. We laid there for several minutes. My hand moved down to the end of her shirt and then moving back up on her skin. She just wore a comfy shirt and sweatpants. I moved my hand up her side and on my way up I felt her bra. I slowly ran my fingers to her breast, but she didn't seem to bother, so I continued a bit faster. "Just tell me when you want me to stop.", I whispered to her.

**Ahsoka's pov:**

I opened Anakin's belt while his finger ran over my naked skin. I laid the belt carefully down next to the bed knowing his lightsaber was still on it and I didn't have to throw it through the room. I began to undress his tunica and he my shirt. We then laid on the bed he on top of me just in his trousers and I in trousers and my bra. He started kissing my neck and I moaned in pleasure as he bid me. He didn't stop, but trailed his kissed down to my collarbone. His hands were running over my stomach up to my bra and my hands ran along his goddamn chest down to his perfectly defined abs. God, I loved this man. His hands reached behind my back and unbuckled my bra while he still kissed my skin. He pulled my bra along my arms and threw it to the ground. His hands moved to my boobs while his kisses came also in this direction. Moving his fingers over my boobs made me wanting more and when he pinched my left nipple I moaned in pleasure. His mouth on my right boob he whispered "You're beautiful." before he sucked my nipple. And while he sucked my right and played with my left nipple my hands reached down to his trousers. I undressed them and throw them on the ground too. He moved his head slowly down to my belly button teasing me. His hands were coming to my trousers undressing. He threw them away and kissed the area right over my panties. His finger travel along from my knees over my ass until they stripped my panties off. His finger ran along my inner thigh, but then back up to my boobs. He sucked the bare skin on my boobs. I dressed his boxers off and I could feel his member on my entrance. He shoved him inside me and I was about to scream as he kissed my mouth to shut me up. He waited a moment and after I signaled him I was alright he moved back just to thrust in fully a moment later. He kissed me and ran his fingers over my body while pushing inside me another time. My hands travelled to his hips and as he pushed inside me the next time I scratched my fingers in them. He raised the tempo by each thrust and soon I was about to cum. He pushed again and again and he had to shut me up by kissing me or I would scream.

**Anakin's pov:**

I thrust inside her and kept her quiet by kissing her. God, she was so beautiful. I raised the tempo again and after some more pushes we came both at the same time. I threw the messed sheets into the bin and laid down next to her. We breathed heavily and I covered us up with some sheds. "You okay?", I asked her after I caught my breath back. "Yeah.", she said and laid her head down on my bare chest. My fingers ran over her arm and her fingers drew circles on my chest. I kissed her forehead and she smiled.


End file.
